Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
