just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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