i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
