loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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