i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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