2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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