Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
