thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
