I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
