after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
