Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
