you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
