I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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