girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
