i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize