yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
