I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
