the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
