In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
