I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
