What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
