Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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