just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
