i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
