I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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