She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
