the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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