FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize