So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My penis needs a shock collar
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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