It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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