yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize