im drinking this country out of the recession.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
