She's JV to your varsity
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
