I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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