The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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