he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
