come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
