Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
