Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
