I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
