I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
