all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
