Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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