He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
