I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
