I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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