you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
