dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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