I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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