I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
