I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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