I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize