So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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