Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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