You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
