my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
