I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
