My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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