Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
