dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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