I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
