It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
