i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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