so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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