omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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