I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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