I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
