As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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