I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
