cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
we should paint friendship bongs
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