I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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